The Great Leap Forwards: My Weekend with Whitby

‘Trust us. You’ll be fine.’ My hands, ghost-white, clasp to a stony cliff-face. My feet are in perpetual motion, treading air, scrambling for a foothold. Below me, a drop of thirty feet onto the jagged riverbed of a shallow stream. I shut my eyes, too scared to take in the reality of the situation I find myself in. This is it, I think. This is the end.

***

When Tom Brown and Richard Cooper – the driving creative forces behind Whitby – invited me to join them for a weekend in the Peak District, this isn’t what I’d had in mind. I’d assumed the two global superstars would have been holed up in a five star resort, enjoying champagne breakfasts and surrounded by rugs made of the finest alpaca wool. Instead, I meet them at a simple cottage, already dressed in walking gear and ready to embark on a late morning ramble. We swap pleasantries – I’ve been a huge fan ever since Keatsian Whisp’rings; I loved your exposé on Fair Trade Quinoa – and I immediately follow the pair off the beaten track.

Soon we’re traversing cliff-faces in scenes reminiscent of Vertical Limit. While the two twenty-somethings spring across the terrain with the nimbleness of mountain goats, I begin to struggle and find myself teetering on the edge – quite literally – hoping that I develop the sudden capacity for flight. ‘Trust us,’ Brown repeats as he extends his hand and motions to take it.

And this, really, is Whitby in a nutshell. From the opening seconds of their latest studio album, Cult Juice, the band ask you to take a leap with them into the musical unknown, into an album that sounds nothing like anything that has come before and yet is somehow still unmistakably Whitby.

Me talking to the Richard Cooper (left) and Tom Brown (right).

The 18th February 2016 marked an important date this year. It was the day on which the five-piece officially became the UK’s biggest musical export, overtaking The Beatles in global record sales. When I try to question Cooper about it, he is typically self-effacing. ‘It’s not something we were conscious of. I only found out because my ma sent me a text.’

But how do they think it happened? What was the key to connecting en masse with a worldwide audience? ‘Certainly with the first album we were very commercially conscious. We wouldn’t have admitted it at the time, but we knew we had to make a strong first impression and that meant getting in peoples’ heads.’ And there they’ve remained ever since.

After our expedition, we return to the cottage where I’m given an exclusive preview of the album. The opening track, 400 Years of Colonial Atrocities, is the most bold and expansive opening to any Whitby LP. Think Billy Joel’s We Didn’t Start the Fire crossed with the post-rock of Explosions in the Sky. It lasts for twelve minutes, but when the final note stops reverberating I immediately press the ‘back’ button to start it all over again.

For anyone worrying that this sounds far removed from the melodic earworms with which Whitby made their name, you can allay your fears. There’s plenty here destined for radio airplay. The bouncy, energetic Santi Chorizo has already been the undisputed sound of the summer, but songs like Crude Control and Have You Snapshat Dat? are destined to top the singles charts.

The one notable collaboration on the album comes from an unlikely source. You may – or may not – remember Daz Sampson from Eurovision 2006. Representing the UK, he finished a forgettable 19th position with his underrated gem, Teenage Life. ‘I’ve been a Eurovision fan for as long as I can remember,’ explains Brown when I query the collaboration. ‘And as soon as I saw Daz burst onto the screen in that luminous yellow jacket, body popping like a man on crack, I knew it was something special. I never would have dreamed I’d get to work with him; it was a real joy.’

I’m told that Sampson was actually invited to join us in the Peak District, but had custody of his children for the weekend and so was, appropriately enough, sampling some teenage life. And what of the other band members, I ask. Where are they?

‘Good question,’ ruminates Cooper. ‘In some respects it’s amazing how peripheral they choose to remain in their own band. But really it’s a testament to how well we can collaborate. Teebs and I write the songs, and then with little or no rehearsals we call them into the studio and usually get all their parts done in a couple of days. They’re great musicians, honestly.’

Richard Cooper (left) and Tom Brown working on the track listing for Cult Juice.

In the evening we unwind by playing board games, aLinkee proving particularly popular, where I witness first-hand the spontaneity that has kept Whitby at the forefront of the pack. Inspired by something as mundane as a bottle of water and some glasses, Brown and Cooper suddenly begin to write a new song in front of my very eyes. It eventually became Community Water (Cult Juice), from which the album takes its title, and is a whirlwind of societal commentary, featuring such lyrics as:

Everyone drinks from community water/
Helps us survive where immunity oughta/
Line us up like alpacas to the slaughter/
We’ll drink your cult juice, your cult juice, your cult juice

It’s a long way from the simplicities of earlier songs like Josh’s Nail Bar. I ask them how they think fans will react to the new album. ‘I think the core of our fans have grown with us,’ says Brown while baking artisan flat breads in the cottage’s small kitchen. ‘If we kept doing exactly the same thing, they’d get bored. We’d get bored.’

The weekend flies by and before I know it I’m loading up my rental for the long drive back home. I’ve spoken to the enigmatic duo about everything from music to philosophy, football to politics, and yet I feel as if I’ve only begun to scratch at the surface.

***

A few days later, in the process of writing this up, I receive a package delivered to my work address. It’s written in a hand I don’t recognise, so I tear it open with curiosity. Inside is a sourdough flatbread baked by Brown (delicious), and a framed photograph. It’s of me, one hand clinging to a rock face, my face the definition of fear, my other hand reaching out to take Brown’s. I turn it over and written on the back is a short message.

Sometimes it pays to leap before you look.

My mind turns back to their new album, to the musical strides that Whitby continues to make, and I can’t help but think this is as much an affirmation of themselves as it is advice to me.

Cult Juice

1. 400 Years of Colonial Atrocities
2. Santi Chorizo
3. Margot, by Toyota
4. Have You Snapshat Dat?
5. Crude Control
6. Wo ist die Punani? feat. Daz Sampson
7. Ladies’ Pad / Ladyzone
8. Which City Was the First City of the MP’s First Ever Deputy Prime Minster?
9. Community Water (Cult Juice)
10. Teebs Furlong
11. Carole Smile Got Assassinated but Brian Cox Isn’t Dead
12. The Final Train (Last Train Home)

…

52. Skinny Skipping

The Space between the Stars

In the dark of the planetarium
an American, deep and bodiless,
tells me the secrets of dark matter,
the pitter and patter of astronomy
falling across my upturned face
as he talks about the space between the stars.

And I remember how we’re told
that poetic old-spun truth
that we’re all made of stardust;
our lines, our rust, our blushing cheeks
are reborn long-lost splinters
of an interstellar hinterland many moons ago.

And then the space between the stars
doesn’t seem so far; we’re held
together like empty honeycomb,
expertly grown, solid to touch,
dimly aware of all that’s missing
and the astral kissing of our atoms, echoing endlessly.

The stars above me begin to dance,
projected trance-like on the curved ceiling;
I lose myself in the intricate display
and all I see is days and stars and light.
I settle in for the remainder of the show,
and for the slow revelation of a truth already known.

Curls, Part II

And there was that time
you curled
your hair for me
simply because
I mentioned in passing
that I quite like it.

Your head on my shoulder
as I read to you
a poem I once wrote
about curls, life
imitating art
impersonating life.

In the poem the man
softly untwirls
her shapes until
she is undone,
and the metaphor
is clear but ambiguous.

As I finish reading I turn
and lay my fingers
on your cheek,
the dark coils at rest
on your neck,
well within reach.

But I never come close
to touching your curls,
preferring instead
to let the moment linger
as we instinctively
unravel each other.

Gesture Romance

I spun you this half-baked theory
about gesture romance and how
anything that needs preparation
could never be truly meaningful.

It’s the impulse, the instinct, those
tiny moments that eek through the
slits of consciousness and sidestep
deliberate thought that really count.

In this flimsy hypothesis –
noble in its naivety –
I posited that the smaller
the action, the greater its worth.

Aware that I was beginning
to sound like a very cheap date,
I stumbled over examples
to try and prove, well, anything.

The problem with my argument –
let’s be charitable and not
pluralise – was that it revolved
around quiet intangibles.

I couldn’t describe or explain
these moments because they only
exist as fleeting feelings
which, once defined, evaporate.

A convenient enough way
in which I could wriggle out of
the discussion with suitable
cunning and sense of the profound.

I think you thought me cute in my
reasoning, such as it was, and
shushed me with a squeeze of the hand
and a change in conversation.

We slept on the train journey home,
our heads gently nestled against
each other, and when we awoke
I knew I’d won the argument.

Whitby: Return of the Kings

Extract taken from the Independent. 

It’s been a long time coming. Six years have passed since Whitby released their previous studio album, Strong as an Ox, and for a while it looked like it would be their last. The band’s collective withdrawal from the spotlight was a gradual process, and one that is entirely understandable. After an unprecedented string of critically acclaimed albums – each a greater commercial success than the last – celebrity became too much of an intrusion.

Indeed, one can hardly mention the band’s name without recalling that incident in the Himalayas. “We took quite a long time to recover from that,” ponders Richard Cooper ruefully. “The pressure had been there for a long time, but that was the knapsack that bucked our Buckeroo.” The quintet had embarked on a secret holiday, an ambitious attempt to climb our highest mountain. Somehow, word got out, and tens of thousands of the band’s fans (who call themselves Whitbytes) ended up literally chasing them up Everest.

“We weren’t ready for it,” continues guitarist James Harmer. “Climbing Everest is difficult at the best of times, let alone when you’re being chased by thousands of teenagers. Josh quite enjoyed it, of course, but then when we realised that all those people had died… It was too much.” 342 people lost their lives that day on the mountain, most due to pneumonia. “Hot pants are not suitable attire for mountaineering,” an official statement deadpanned at the time.

So that was that. Cooper became a live-at-home boyfriend; Harmer grew a beard and wandered the wastes of Siberia; bassist Josh Ingold joined the army; and Alan Wilson put down his drum sticks and picked up a hammer, dedicating his time to restoring hobbit homes around his native New Zealand. Whitby’s other figurehead, Teebs, simply disappeared. For so prominent a counter-cultural figure to suddenly withdraw left a gaping hole in the arts world that took some years to fill.

So why now? What’s changed? I took a long drive into rural Switzerland to talk to Teebs, who now owns and runs his own farm. I’m a little apprehensive, but a warm smile and friendly handshake reassures me. “We’ve been sitting on this for a while,” explains the singer/songwriter/rhythm guitarist over a full English breakfast. “Coops and I wrote some of these songs years ago, we just weren’t comfortable enough to return. When you’re young it’s difficult to deal with the attention and the emotions that go with it.” At 26, they’re hardly old, I offer.

“That’s true, but I feel we’ve packed a lot of learning into the last few years. It’s funny, Harry [Styles] came to visit last week. He wanted advice on how to handle the constant pressure, how we’re still together after so long.” What did he suggest? “Well that’s a trade secret. But let’s just say I warned him about Zayn.” He gives me a wink and is keen to turn conversation to the new album.

Bowling With Cow is feast of musical cohesion. It shoulders many influences but adds something new to each of them. It feels like you are hearing many of these genres and styles for the first time. The 60s surfer pop of Brian Wilson’s After Party transports you straight to the ocean, with waves of harmony washing over us and cleansing our eardrums. The Assassination Of The Coward Jessie J, meanwhile, plays like the soundtrack to a spaghetti western filtered through an eighties synth machine. It sounds ridiculous, but it works.

For all the new experiments, Whitby make time to pay tribute to their roots. Lights On Wires harks back to the pop perfection of the band’s early days, while Slam Slam (Into The Room) is perhaps the band at their finest: at once cutting, poignant, and yet profoundly uplifting.

Lyrically, there is a new found ambiguity, perhaps even wariness that subtly leaks through to the subconscious.

There’s Springsteen on the radio, Dan Pitt in the kitchen/
But these are not the songs we know, and we don’t even listen

But if there is a disconnect, it is not between band and audience. If anything, they are a united entity, and the disconnect is between those who seek art and those who seek celebrity. The perfect crystalising moment comes in Slats. Outwardly a song about the support that holds a thing in place, the real question becomes about the space between the slats.

We built these slats to build a home/ but half of it is empty space
The gaps between, the known unknown/ the echo of a tired face

I asked Cooper how they keep writing such masterpieces, and how long it can last. “Sometimes I feel like we don’t do it because we want to. We do it because there’s a need. When there stops being a need for Whitby in the music industry, we’ll pack it in. I almost look forward to that day, because it means we will really have achieved something.” “Everyone is just trying to make an impression on the world,” concludes Teebs. “That’s basically it. The difference is, most people do it for fear of being forgotten. We do it for the joy of being remembered.”

Bowling With Cow

1. The Sap From Pine Trees
2. Slam Slam (Into The Room)
3. Springsteen On The radio, Dan Pitt In The Kitchen
4. The Assassination Of The Coward Jessie J
5. Ernest O’Donaghue
6. Move Please (Get Out The Way)
7. Slats
8. Brian Wilson’s After Party
9. Banners Galore (Who’s Luke Warm?)
10. Lights On Wires
11. Touch My Bumper (feat. Billy Ocean)

…

52. Wackerel With Gooseberry Compote

Queen’s Head Achieve Cup History

The 11^th of May is a date that will forever go down in Queen’s Head FC history as the day they won their first ever piece of silverware. The historic moment came at the end of their second season as a footballing outfit, defeating Dinamo Chequers in a tense 1-0 victory at Spratleys Meadow.

It is a fairy tale story with the humblest of beginnings. This time two years ago, the club was nothing more than a flicker in the imagination of some Queen’s Head patrons. That flicker became a conversation, that conversation became a spark, and the rest, as they say, is history.

Their first season was a sharp learning curve, with the club’s first ever competitive victory coming late in their league campaign. It would be their only victory of the season, but the Griffins have always been more than just a football club. It was clear early on that the friendships and the team spirit would define them as much as their results. Unlike most clubs, this generous and friendly attitude extends to the management and the owners – in fact, it extends from them.

Lisa and John Walker, Chairwoman and Chairman of Queen’s Head FC, have always had immense pride and passion for their team, even when times were tough. Even if the team conceded double figures, they would be there post-match, pouring a pint and offering up a tasty mountain of cheesy chips. They watched the cup final not only as owners, but as the club’s biggest supporters, and were duly rewarded with a battling performance that earned the trophy.

This season has been a mixed one for the club. An outstanding start in the league with three consecutive victories saw the team riding high, but a difficult mid-season halted their early momentum. Recently, Queen’s had managed to regain confidence and put in some much improved displays, none better than the 3-1 semi-final victory over Chesham Town that set up the final.

The teams at kick-off.

Over the course of the season, Queen’s Head and Dinamo have met six times. Two wins, two draws, two losses. In more ways than one, this game was to be the decider, and it seemed inevitable that there would be very little between the two teams.

Queen’s stuck with much the same team that had prevailed in the semi, with player/manager Phil Meier coming in at right back for Liam Nolan, and James Weatherill taking the place of Darren Kelly in goal. Both Nolan and Kelly were unavailable, but were not forgotten in their contribution that helped the team to the final.

The opening minutes were cagey, with each team ensuring the opposition had little time to settle on the ball. As the half progressed, Queen’s began to work the channels well, with Birkett and Shanahan’s pace causing problems down Dinamo’s right hand side, and Teebs’ determined running drawing fouls in some promising positions.

Despite a sustained period of pressure, including several free kicks and corners, Queen’s were unable to fashion a clear-cut chance. Meanwhile, Dinamo started to experience some joy down their own left, with fast, direct running causing problems for Meier and Green. One swift break saw them through on goal, but was thwarted by a smart stop by Weatherill. The hair-banded keeper proved a worthy replacement to fan-favourite Kelly, and he acquitted himself superbly throughout.

There was a strong turnout for the match, with players and fans of all ages turning up to cheer on their favourite pub team. Despite the support, however, Queen’s struggled to replicate their impressive display from the previous week. At half time the score remained locked at 0-0, and it was a fair reflection of the 45 minutes.

In order to add stability to the back line, Matthews was sent to warm up immediately, and Meier decided to bring himself off. It must have been a difficult decision to make, but it was the right one and the manager deserves credit for it.

The immense Queen’s Head midfield.

The second half began in much the same vein, with clear-cut chances few and far between. Birkett was able to fashion a shooting chance after good interplay with Shanahan, but skewed his shot wide under pressure. As the clock ticked on it became clear that this match would be decided by the finest of margins, by a single moment.

Teebs was replaced by Gossi, whose hamstring injury curtailed a large part of his season. Invigorated by his time on the side lines, he seemed eager to make up for lost time, and immediately began hassling and harrying. In truth, though, there was not a single player on the pitch who didn’t play with total commitment.

Even if the quality and composure was sometimes lacking, the desire was always there. The incredible work rate was no better demonstrated than in the middle of the park, with Benning and Noble fuelling the engine room with tireless determination.

As the tension rose, so did the frustration. The game became disjointed with niggling fouls, and Street was unlucky to find himself in the referee’s notebook for a fairly innocuous challenge.

It looked to be heading towards extra time. But suddenly, everything changed. Despite being fouled near the half way line, Birkett managed to thread a ball through for Gossi to run on to. He was alert enough to get goal side of the Dinamo defender, and was through on goal. A collective intake of breath gripped the stadium. This was the moment. Queen’s Head finally had one clear-cut chance. But could they make it count?

You bet they could.

With composure befitting a man with such immaculately groomed hair, Gossi slid the ball past the keeper and wheeled away in delight. The Queen’s bench went wild, running onto the pitch before hastily shuffling back into their dugout zone under the watchful eye of the fourth official. It was a moment of euphoria and only ten minutes stood between Queen’s Head and the trophy.

Gossi celebrates scoring the winning goal.

In a very real sense, it had been a case of next goal wins. Fittingly, Gossi was the one to score it.

Not that it was a formality at this stage. Queen’s had to endure more than ten painfully nervous minutes, during which Dinamo committed men forward in search of an equaliser. There were winces from the bench when a couple of shots whistled wide, but the Queen’s were not to be denied. Sam Nolan came on for Birkett, who had run himself ragged, and helped to wind precious minutes from the clock.

At the heart of the resistance, though, was the pairing of Jones and Wild in the centre of defence. Jones captained with typical bravery and passion, while Wild was an equally authoritative figure at his side. In what was billed as his final appearance for the club, Wild was the deserved man of the match. Such is his popularity, the growing One More Year campaign has been the top trending topic on Twitter for over 24 hours. On the pitch, he appeared to brush all concerns about his age aside, and there were moments when he even looked – I’ll say it – youthful.

When the final whistle blew, the Queen’s players streamed onto the pitch. In two years, they had gone from nothing – from not even existing – to being cup winners. This wasn’t really just a victory for Queen’s Head FC. It was a victory for underdogs everywhere, for those who still believe in magic. It was, to use the old cliché, a victory for football.

And so followed the presentation, the medals, the lifting of the trophy, the photos, the B*Witched in the dressing room, the drinking from the cup, the tequilas, the stories, and the sheer joy of deserved success.

Queen’s Head are the champions of the Chesham Sunday League Junior Invitation Cup. It is the fairy tale ending they hoped for. But it may yet prove to be only the fairy tale beginning…

The Queen’s Head family.

Emphatic victory sets up Queen’s first ever final

Queen’s Head FC reached their first ever final after an exceptional 3-1 win over Chesham Town at Bellingdon. The result sets up a final with Dinamo Chequers, who the Griffins beat 2-0 in their final group game to progress to the semi final.

This was a performance brimming with energy, belief, and moments of genuine quality. The starting line-up was mostly unchanged from the win against Chequers, with Louie Shanahan moving into left midfield in place of Ben Mack.

The opening five minutes were played at a frantic pace, with both teams struggling to string together a good sequence of passing. Once the early nerves settled, it was Queen’s who looked the brighter. They looked particularly dangerous from corners and long throws, with Shanahan’s and captain Alex Jones’ long deliveries causing frequent scrambles inside the six yard box.

When Chesham Town took the lead, it was against the run of play. Just after the half hour mark, a cross was delivered into the Queen’s area and a perfect header was placed past the despairing dive of Kelly.

In the past, this would have caused heads to drop, but this team has more steel about them these days. Town continued to create the odd chance, but Kelly made a series of great saves. His confidence looked restored after a trying few weeks, and this positivity started to flow into the rest of the team.

Then all of a sudden, it was as if a switched was flicked, and the Queen’s started to play football. Proper football. Their passes were crisper and more confident, their pressing was more urgent, and they started to enjoy themselves.

A goal was inevitable, and when it came it was beautiful in its simplicity. Good interplay down the left flank led to Shanahan playing Birkett in down the channel. He beat his man and swung in a deep cross from the by-line. Dan Green, making a trademark late run into the box, rose to power a header past the keeper.

Casey with his deserved man of the match award. And a Kit-Kat.

Cheered on by fantastic support from the sidelines, Queen’s sought to take advantage of their ascendancy. And not long before half time, it was 2-1. Noble lofted a long ball over the top of the Town defence, and Birkett simply wanted it more than the keeper. He beat him to the ball and lifted a deft lob over his head. It was a moment of quality that more than made up for the striker’s occasional wayward shooting in previous matches.

Buoyed by half time oranges, QHFC continued the second half in the same fashion. Every single player put in a shift, and continued to deny Chesham any clear cut opportunities. In the 68th minute the game was put beyond doubt. Again, Birkett marauded down the left channel and swung in another perfectly judged cross. Again, Green was on hand at the back post to plant a header past the keeper.

It was no more than they deserved, and in truth it could have been more. Birkett hit the woodwork twice, and Green was desperately unlucky to see a shot rebound off the bar, onto the goalkeeper and then away to safety.

The Queen’s defence was outstanding. Liam Nolan has been a revelation since moving to right back, and the well-matured Dave Wild came out of retirement to re-forge his partnership in the middle. Even Louis Street, despite his usual whinging, had a decent game. Noble and Benning – playing instead of the injured Venning – formed a good shield in from of them, with Benning often breaking forward to help build attacks as well.

So the scene is set for by far the biggest day in Queen’s Head FC’s short history. Sunday the 11th of May will determine whether the club wins its first piece of silverware. In many respects, getting to the final is a victory in itself, and demonstrates the huge improvements the club has made, both on the pitch and off it. But that won’t stop them trying their utmost to claim victory on Sunday. Come on you Queens!

Two moments of magic set up a Queen’s Head semi-final

Queen’s Head FC booked their place in the semi-final with a determined 2-0 win over Dinamo Chequers. The Griffins, who in the process knocked Magpies out of the cup, needed a victory to progress, and they duly delivered with a performance that was lit up by two special goals.

Queen’s Head named a largely unchanged team from their previous game, with Liam Nolan slotting back into right back so they could accommodate yet another midfielder, the marauding Dan Green. There was a touching moment before kick off when the geriatric veteran Dave Wild, playing his last ever match for the club, was given a round of applause and the captain’s armband. The crowd showed their appreciation with a minute’s silence.

The opening was evenly contested, with neither team fashioning many shooting opportunities. Hearts fluttered a little when stand-in goalkeeper Joe Matthews watched a shot head towards the far corner, before bending down and tapping it out of play unconvincingly. The proceeding corner came to nothing, and Matthews grew in confidence throughout the rest of the game.

If Dinamo weren’t creating much, it was down largely to the pressing of the front six. Teebs and Casey worked tirelessly to cover the ground and hassle and harry, while the midfield were well organised and resolute.

Jones was forced off with an injury early on.

They took an early blow when Alex Jones landed awkwardly on his ankle and had to be stretchered off. Player-manager Phil Meier came on in his place and played at left back, with Louis Street moving to the middle. Despite the change, the defence coped well with the barrage of long balls pumped forward by Dinamo’s particularly vocal keeper.

Queen’s looked dangerous from corners, with consistently good deliveries from Ben Mack. It was from one of these corners that the ball eventually broke to Dan Benning, positioned a few yards out of the area. Showing exquisite technique, he volleyed the ball past the stationary keeper, and wheeled off in celebration. It was a goal worthy to win any match, and the half time score remained at 1-0.

Benning’s stunning strike just after the ball leaves his boot.

The second half continued in a similar pattern, with neither team creating much in the final third. But while the Queen’s lacked their creative dynamism from their previous match, they more than made up for it with mental strength and determination. As the minutes ticked away, Dinamo became more frustrated that they couldn’t break the Queen’s defence, nor take a throw in properly.

As they pushed forward for an equaliser, they inevitably left more space to be exploited. When Mack picked up the ball about 25 yards out, there seemed little danger for Chequers. But full of confidence from his man of the match performance last week, he took a look at the keeper, adjusted his body and slammed an unerring shot into the corner of the net.

If Benning’s goal was exquisite, this was divine. Around 15 minutes still remained, but Queen’s never really looked like letting their lead slip. Even though the rain started to fall, it couldn’t dampen the jubilant spirits on the touchline. The semi final lies in wait in two weeks, and they will be looking to maintain their momentum. If they continue with their current form, few would bet against them.

Valiant Queen’s lose, but with a performance fit for a King

Although the 5-3 score line would suggest Queen’s Head came off second best in Sunday morning’s league clash with Misty Moon, in reality it was a performance that matched – if not exceeded – that of the Division 1 champions.

Since their exhilarating beginning to the season (winning their first three games), Queen’s have struggled to replicate that consistent run of good form. Yesterday’s performance will give them belief that they can continue to impress in their cup game against Dinamo Chequers next week. Victory would see them through to the semi-final, and then maybe they can dare to dream of the first piece of silverware for the club.

They will be buoyed by the number of chances they were able to create, as well as a spirited attitude that saw them come back from a 4-0 deficit. On a narrow and bobbly pitch, Queen’s lined up with a 4-4-2 formation that was in reality a 4-1-3-2. This allowed them to make use of their glut of central midfielders, with Graham Noble sitting deep and allowing the trio of Liam Nolan, Dan Benning, and Ben Mack to play with more freedom. In fact, there was even a central midfielder playing in defence, with the ageing Dave Wild partnering skipper Alex Jones in the centre.

Queen’s Head matched the sunshine for brightness early on, with good pressing all over the pitch disrupting Misty’s rhythm and forcing them to rush their play. There was a palpable sense of shock when Misty went 1-0 up against the run of play, and when an outrageous bobble got the best of goalkeeper Darren Kelly to make it 2-0, supporters of the mighty Queen’s began to think it would be one of those days.

Man of the Match Ben Mack with his award and a chocolate.

They almost grabbed a goal back when Birkett fashioned a great chance but was denied by an equally great save. But the score was soon 3-0, when a quick break away resulted in a cross being converted at the far post. Disheartened but not defeated, Queen’s continued to plug away. Near the end of the half, a lightning counter from a Misty corner saw Teebs shift the ball on to Mack, who carried the ball a few yards before sliding a great ball through to the Louis Street. Why the left back was in a right wing position remains a mystery to everyone, but he got a shot away, only to be thwarted by the inform keeper once more.

It wasn’t a goal, but it gave them hope and was a sign of things to come.

At half time, manager Phil Meier gave a team talk in which he told the team that seeing as Misty had just scored three goals in that half, there was no reason Queen’s Head couldn’t do the same. The comment raised a murmur of laughter, but the words would turn out to be prophetic.

Despite more positive play from Queen’s, however, it soon got worse as Misty added a fourth. For ten minutes the game drifted until a long throw from ‘Delap’ Jones caused a scramble in the Misty area. The ball broke to Teebs who lashed the ball into the net from two yards out.

It appeared little more than a consolation, until just two minutes later when Jones launched another long throw into the box. Again, the ball fell to Teebs, who took a touch and angled a left-footed shot across the keeper and into the bottom corner. Belief rose through the Queen’s ranks and urgency swept back into their play.

Man of the match Ben Mack began to assert his influence even further, with probing balls beyond the defence for the strikers to run onto. From a free kick, the impressive Benning was desperately unlucky to hit the woodwork, only for the ball to bounce off the keeper’s face and away to safety.

They built up a real head of steam and it felt like the equalizer was coming until Misty scored a fifth with a swift counter attack down the right hand side. Still, Queen’s continued to press, and were given a penalty when Sam Nolan played the ball through to Teebs, who was unceremoniously barged over by the Misty number 4. He had escaped frequent misdemeanours throughout the entire match, so it felt like justice.

Teebs stepped up to take the penalty, gave the keeper the eyes, and coolly passed the ball into the net. It was one of the least celebrated hat tricks ever scored, perhaps already anticipating that his teammates wouldn’t even deem it worthy of a man of the match performance (despite the fact that he also washed the kit).

For the remaining few minutes they huffed and puffed, but time ran out before they could find another goal and get back into the game. However, it was a performance of real endeavour and no little amount of dynamism. It wasn’t the result they wanted to end their league campaign with, but the performance demonstrated the huge improvement that has transformed the club over the last year. If they can continue to build on their good work during the summer, there can be no doubting the best is yet to come.

Teebs celebrated his hat trick with a heavy night on the town.

Back to Winning Ways for Queen’s Head

On a bright Sunday morning, Queen’s Head FC recorded a long overdue league victory and in the process doomed lowly Chesham Athletic to a bottom-placed finish in Division 1. The game ended 1-3 to Queen’s, and was largely dictated by the poor quality of the pitch, which the FA are said to be investigating.

The playing field was in stark contrast to the weather, whose gorgeous rays beamed down on Botley Arena with early spring promise. The players were all smiles as they made their way out in front of the capacity crowd, but these smiles soon gave way to frowns as even the simplest of passes bobbled horrifically on the uneven pitch. It became clear that the winner of the match would be the team who could best adapt to the conditions, and ultimately that proved to be Queen’s Head.

After a scrappy beginning, the opening goal came as a surprise to almost everyone. Athletic looked to push the ball upfield, but a loose pass around the centre circle was intercepted by Queen’s captain Alex Jones. Looking to keep the pressure off his defence, he punted the ball back towards Chesham’s goal. Unsighted by the sun and perhaps deceived by some subtle swerve, their goalkeeper – who many were surprised to see pass a late fitness test – made a complete misjudgment of the situation and flapped hopelessly as the ball flew past him into the net.

Dave looks on aghast at Alex’s post-match meal.

It was a gift for Queen’s, but no sooner had Jones raised his arms in celebratory disbelief than he was shouting at his team to start focusing and playing properly. It typified the captain’s performance, who was on fine form and ended with the man of the match award.

Because of the poor surface, QHFC had to forgo their usual fluid passing game, and went about Stoke-ifying their play. The rest of the first half was peppered with long throws and corners, from which they continued to look dangerous but couldn’t really test the keeper. Athletic offered very little in response, though, and the first half ended 0-1.

The second period continued in much the same fashion, but the Queen’s defence – with Ollie Buckingham and Noel Doyle at fullbacks and the pacey Louis Street partnering Jones in the middle – remained composed and rarely looked troubled.

Midway through the second half, Queen’s finally made a setpiece count. Gossi whipped in a corner so inviting that it would have been rude not to oblige it with a goal, and it was stalwart Graham Noble who rose highest, majestically thumping a header high into the goal. One of two new fathers in the team, there was a smattering of ironic boos when he failed to deliver a baby-related celebration, but it was all smiles as Queen’s were now firmly in the driving seat.

Teebs came on to replace the hard working Ashley Cole, who covered as much ground on the left wing as his Chelsea namesake, but was much less of a dick. The hot weather began to take its toll on the players, and energy levels began to drop. Noble was replaced by veteran Dave Wild, but the Queen’s succumbed to their old Achilles heel: defending setpieces.

From an Athletic corner, they managed to head past Joe Matthews and swing the momentum their way. Matthews was particularly aggrieved, as he had otherwise acquitted himself excellently, and is sure to push number one keeper Darren Kelly for a starting position next week.

The pressure continued to build on the Queen’s defence, with the front players struggling to retain possession. They replaced Casey Birkett – the team’s other new father – who’d put in a typically hard-working shift, with player/manager Phil Meier. They changed formation, 4-4-2 becoming a 4-3-2-1 to stop the team getting overrun in midfield.

It soon paid dividends, as Dan Benning continued what he had been doing all game, battling in the middle and coming out on top in most 50/50s. He played the ball over the top for Teebs to chase, and the striker had the pace to get there before the keeper and take it away from him. Still running toe to toe with an Athletic defender, there was a slight coming together and while the defender tumbled to the floor, Teebs maintained enough balance to take a final touch and slide the ball into an empty net. Despite the appeals from Athletic, the goal stood and took the string out the rest of the game.

The match was almost marred by a fractious encounter late on, when the tenacious Dan Green tangled with an Athletic thug. A combination of the heat and having only an hour’s sleep may have boiled to the surface, but their teammates came between them before anything could really kick off.

In a way, it typified Queen’s performance. They were not at their best but still up for the fight, and the deserved victors. Even though their football was not the most stylish, they sure looked sexy in their resplendent new away kit of red and black stripes.

Oh yes.